Preface

December 17, 2007, life as I previously enjoyed abruptly ended, when my sweet mother and dearest friend’s mortal life was prematurely ended. She was driving home from work, when she was hit head on by a drunk driver. The driver was an uninsured illegal immigrant, who was driving so erratically that he forced 5 others off the road prior to hitting mom and was being followed by a witness that was on the phone with 911, reporting his deadly driving. That eye witness then watched the accident occur.

The details and manner of her dead are totally and completely traumatizing to me. I still don’t believe that I have accepted it entirely. Since that time, I have felt like I am dying a slow and miserable death. It literally hurts so bad I often want to die; 1) to be with her and 2) to escape the suffering. The sorrow and agony at the thought of living the remainder of my mission here on this earth without her is still unbearable! I do not know how to live without her. I am still wishing for her to come back. Despite my depression and deep despair, I am still the mother of 4 very needy children, so each day I do my best to press on and fulfill their needs.

I have been surrounded by many, many, many loving hearts that have reached out and offered a hand in my time of need. I have gratitude for all of the hours of service offered and the numerous prayers on our behalf.

At this time, I am still not able to articulate needs or give a summarized answer to the greeting “How are you?” “I am a mess!” just sounds too heavy for the casual question. So here I will do my best to 1) honestly express my feelings so that you can judge how I am 2) state any wishes, “it would be nice if” and/or needs and 3) hopefully find healing through the journaling process.