I know my posts have a tendency to be very heavy ... sorry, I'm working on that. Here's my current self evaluation:PHYSICALLY – Doing better than I expected at 11 weeks pregnant. In all of my previous pregnancy’s I felt the 1st Trimester gloom of symptoms for the first 12-14 weeks.
This time, we found out we were expecting @ 5 weeks, no real symptoms just the shock and surprise of discovering we are pregnant again.
Weeks 6, 7, & 8 were crappy! Constantly hungry, nothing I ate was satisfying, always sick after I ate, nauseas all day long, and felt like my body had been taken over by an alien.
Weeks 9 & 10 have been much better; mild nausea, satisfied as long as I don’t allow my stomach to become empty. So eating something about every 1 ½ hours.
Fatigue and exhaustion are usually overwhelming at this stage; ironically, with this pregnancy I haven’t been that tired. I’m actually getting up earlier and napping less … go figure!
MENTALLY – It is difficult for me to be alone, quiet times / moments are painful and anxious. I feel lonely and don’t know what to do with myself. Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own skin. Where before quiet time to relax was relished, now I don’t do well if I don’t have the chaos of all my children around me, needing something every moment. I’m pretty used to Lacey being at school and her dad’s but I don’t like it when my boys are gone at David’s parents or playing somewhere. Even if just 1 of them is gone, there is not enough chaos to keep me clam. On the flip side of that, their chaos creates a constant tornado through my house leaving huge messes. My efforts to keep the house nice and somewhat orderly feel futile; which can be discouraging.
EMOTIONALLY – I am working on developing life coping skills. When I feel stress or anxiety and I have that “bad” feeling, it is a trigger in my mind that says “You know what else makes me feel bad? Losing my mom!” Then I begin to wish she was here and have to fight all of that emotion of not having her; leaves me feeling empty. So very quickly, stress and anxiety turn to grief work. I don’t know what to do with myself when I feel those bad feelings. I don’t know how to release that stress. It used to be as easy as a simple phone call to mom. She didn’t solve the problem, just listened and there was security because I knew she would help if I couldn’t handle it on my own. Well, there’s no more back-up and so I’m trying to develop the skills to make it on my own.
SPIRITUALLY – Struggling to truly Trust the Lord. I want to be humble and submissive to his will. I want to gain peace and calmness from the assurance that The Lord is in control; and sometimes I do, but it doesn’t come easily or automatically. First I have to silence that natural man voice in my head that screams the injustices of life; then I have to be very prayerful, constantly talking with The Lord about how I am feeling. I know that he is a just and merciful God. I know that he truly knows my needs and I have witnessed many tender mercies and blessings amongst the turmoil. Sometimes, I feel like I just endure … waiting for the turmoil to pass. Other times, I fight to become better to rise above and change my thinking. I’m not enjoying this journey of change and I hope that it will become normal soon.
GOALS:
- Live more,
- See and feel the joys in my life,
- Be present,
- Have fun with my children,
- Be trusting of The Lord,
- Feel whole
- Simplify
Ammon & David relaxing in the hammock.
Enjoying the campfire.
My nephew Jay, chopping wood.
Cooper & Ammon, gathering empty bullet shells.
All of the kids LOVED the wagon.
Ammon relaxing in the shade, eating a go-gurt.
There were lots of beautiful butterflies. Noah & Savannah were butterfly hunters all weekend.
Noah's the "King of the Rock"
Ammon SO tired he can barely keep his eyes open 
Seconds later, fast asleep ...
"Mommy! I'm awake, come get me."
David, giving Rebecca & Jacob a quad ride.
Dirty, dirty, dirty
Rain + Dirt = Mud
Mud + Ammon = Hours of dirty FUN
He used it as a slip-n-slide
The face that makes it all worth it :)
Play hard eat big!
Climb Noah, climb
When nature calls ...
Jacob & Ammon showing me their gun sticks
Jay shotting the bow
Jacob's turn ....
"We found a WORM!"
Noah was so excited, ... till Jacob stepped on it!
The kids chasing a lizard ...
Noah proudly showing his catch.
Let the shooting begin ..... 
Austin & Jacob
Noah covering his ears because it is too loud.
Never too young? .... that's Ammon
And Sweet Little Lacey
