Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Current Status Report

Ya know, it seemed like after mom died it was just one thing right after another and I was really struggling (to say the least). It felt like I couldn't see straight before something else came about to deal with (short sale of our house, unemployment, freaking scorpion sting) and my coping skills were virtually nonexsistent.

When I found out I was pregnat with Elizabeth, it seemed to spark some life into me and my will to survive life's tragedies kicked in. Then when she was born, ooooohhhh my little broken heart just over flowed with love. Of course I love all my children, but I think Elizabeth was hand picked by mom and sent to me now to help soothe my pain. I love having another girl!!!!!

The other kids are doing good and so much fun. All are growing faster than I would like but I am enjoying each of them and their unique personalities. They make me laugh every day and are worth every ounce of energy and work that is requries to keep up with their needs.

I went back to work part time as the bookkepper at the law office I used to work for. Getting out of the house is very nice (a bit like a vacation) but it definitely is a juggling act, that I am not sure I have perfected!? :-o

David started his own landscaping company last year (after being laid off) and it is growing, slowing but growing. We started with literally nothing but some money to buy equipment and a trailer so he has built it from the ground up. Our overhead is super low it's paying the rent, so that is enough for now. I also do the books and scheduling for the landscaping company (usually when everyone is in bed). Then, from time to time, I bring work home from the law office and write settlement demands too.

That's the long and short of life right now; very, very busy just trying to get by, keep up and be happy.

Emotionally, I do not feel like I am reconciled with the loss but I do feel like I have resolved to stop kicking and screaming about it and try to rebuild. The hurt is deep and constant, but honestly I've just learned how to stuff it down and cautiously trust The Lord ... sad but there are no answers that satisfy the questions. Every now and then it bubbles up and I have a good angry cry, then I put it away and go back to work. My testimony in Jesus Christ is being strengthened and I am holding on; maybe not always moving forward but holding on for dear life! I have found that the temple and the wildreness (camping) are the only places I really feel inner peace, so I try to frequent them as often as possible.

Mentally, I'm not gonna lie, I do require a little drug called Zoloft to help me get through day to day :-) and I'm okay with that. It's not forever, just for now.

Spiritually, like I said I am holding on. I do not understand the workings of The Lord but I am working to truly trust Him and allow His will to be done. Can't quit, I am responsible for teaching too many little ones the way back home. I have become increasingly grateful for the "smaller" things that are so often taken for granted, ~ like overall good health for myself, David and the kids ~ For the ability to create and bare children (apparently, as many as I want .... :o ) ~ For loving friends and family ~ For the blessing of living in the United States and for it's freedoms ~ For the miracle of the gospel of Jesus Christ and for being born to awesome parents ~ essentially the "basics" that previously I just didn't think about or perhaps even felt entitled to ...?

When I don't think about the pain, there is great joy. When I think about the pain, I feel gratitude for the "basics" and try to remember the joy.

I am especially grateful that we don't take our finances with us to heaven because holy cow we are a mess right now. This is something that a year ago would have been my undoing but now I just see it as life! Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose; hopefully, we learn something along the way.

First Day of School 10-11

Ahhh, sweet little Jacob started kindergarden!
He was so excited and ready to be bigger.

Off to 1st grade for Noah!
He would prefer to just stay home with me ...
school? been there, done that, ..... last year!

Looking at this picture, I think to myself ... "I survived!"
There were literally times that I did not know how I was gonna make it
when these boys were little.
Being only 14 short months apart I was certain I would perish from fatigue or sleep deprivation!
Generally speaking, now they are great friends.
They love to wrestle and rough house together.

Watch out 5th grade cuz here she comes! ......

Lacey is an excellent student!
Really a dream come true for us as parents;
she is responsbile and does her homework without being asked.
She enjoys learning and loves to read.
I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming!
Oh and so beautiful too!!!

Introducing ....


December 12, 2009

A few hours old .....

Sucking her thumb .....

Coming home from the hospital ....

Pics taken by our good friend Lexi Morris

(Her feet look kinda big here ....?)

Meeting her brothers and sister . . . .

Ammon was in complete ahhh; it's like he couldn't believe his eyes!

Jacob never wanted to stop holding her.
She is by far his favorite!!

Noah, checking out her fingers, toes and ears :-)
(Can't miss Ammon still poking her to see if she is real)

Finally! A sister for Lacey ....

She is such a great helper!

FEB 2010

Daddy & Baby Girl

My Sweet, Precious, Adorable baby!

Can you feel the love?

My Girls!!!

My mom made this dress 14 years ago when Pennie's daughter Kelcie was blessed.
Priceless ....

She smiled for Lacey ....

Let the dress up begin ....


Melt my heart adorable ....

Hello, Bright eyes!

I love, love, love this picture!!!

I hope the are the best of friends.

I just can't get enough of this cute little girl. She is the best baby!
The kids regularly fight over who's "turn" it is to play with her.

2009-2010 Year in Review

It appears as though blogging for me is an Annual Event; so without further delay, here is what we have been up to this past year:

{In October, a Fireman, Dragon and a Ninja knocked on our door asking for candy, ... they were so cute we decided to keep them :-}

{ Had a BABY! }
A little GIRL !!!!!!!!!!!!!

{ We Celebrated the birth of Jesus and opened presents from Old St. Nicholas }

{ Played a little Soccer . . . }

(So cute, Jake doing his stretches.)

Run, Run, RUN

[ This was Lacey's 3rd season, playing soccer.
She improved so much this season. It was very exciting watching her play!]


Let's just say Noah's heart wasn't in the game!

This is him "playing" soccer?!?
Huddle Up - GO TEAM!

{ Lacey entered the double digits and turned 10 }

{ She celebrated with friends at the roller skating rink. }
And cake and pizza at home.

{ We avoided the "issue" of Mother's Day by taking the kids to the
WildLife World Zoo}
{ We feed some animals .... }

{Rode the train .....}

{And pet the Sting Rays!}

{ Noah turned 6!}

Hurray! Chuck-E-Cheese ......

{Ammon growed up to "free" years old}

Next year the underwear shot will be way too inappropriate!

It has been a wonderful year watching our children grow and experiencing the true joys of life!