Battle of Words

Okay so since Friday's events I received a 3 page email from Bruce's son full of all kinds of nice things ?.?.?.? after reading it I decided to big the bigger person and not even respond. That worked for about 24 hours until I stewed and stewed over it and finally sat down and wrote a response. It was therapy.... then, I delayed another 24 hours while I contemptated whether to actually send it. In the end, I did and I have to say that I'm not proud of the fact that I couldn't just bite my tongue, turn the other cheek or be the adult. I am posting the emails so that you can understand the intensity of the emtions and crap we are dealing with ... warning the following is full of drama, proceed if so desired.

THE SON WRITES:
James/Penney/Joe/Angle
I have a long laundry list of items here for you to review. I give this list so that all of you will know why I try my best not to interact with you. 1: Where I come from we don't make a big deal about financial maters during the week that our mother has died. For example I would not go to her place of work and looking for financial documents within 24 hours of death. I am sorry but I find this in very distasteful. 2: If my mother had died I would not take her husband around town, before the funeral telling him he needs to liquidate assets. It is a very tough time for the spouse and Financial matters should not be on the top of the list during the week of the death. The only one that I saw from your side of the family that made any real financial comment was maybe James. For what it is worth you are the only one of the four that I have any respect for. Unfortunately Dad still remembers you telling him "do you have enough money to pay for all of this" when you > saw his bills. I think that you did not mean any harm by it, but Dad still brings it up every time I mention your name. With as short as his memory is I would have thought he forgotten by now. 3: I and Aaron have power of attorney for my father. This is authority was give to us by Marge. Marge knew Dad would need to have financial, medical, and other help if she died. She did not give this authority to Angle. Please respect your Mother's wishes and stop having him sign legally binding documents without our knowledge. 4: You all are very well aware of Bruce's sickness. Based on Medical records either Penney or Angle use to take him to the doctor visits. It has continued to get worse since he was first diagnosed. Even with this knowledge some of you still continue to get him to sign documents without fair representation. For example you had him sign the Legal document that made Angle the personal representative of Marge's estate. You had him sign a document with a realtor without representation. Which lead to more items on my list. 5: I want to see that my Dad gets every dime he can get. He needs it. He has a sickness that will be very costly as time progresses. You are all adults and can take care of yourselves. One of you related a story to me of how Marge had to get a bunch of debts reversed because Dad was tricked by people into buying items that were not needed. I personally think that if Marge put money in separate accounts she did it so that it would be safe. Marge was the type of person that would do what is best for her sick husband. I am vaguely aware of the state law and Step children and estate settlement so please spare me the detail why you feel that you deserve the estate. I am not doubting that you will receive settlement. Why the big secretive nature about what you are doing? Maybe even you don't feel good about what you are doing? Please don't tell me you have not been trying to hide what you are doing. You did not even have the decency to delivery him the documents. Maybe if you would have given him the document that said Angle presence is necessary before removing stuff from the estate then there would not have been a need for yesterdays problems. 6: Marge wrote a will for my father that said if he died that she would get everything. I think that that is the way it is suppose to be. If you want to see the will you are welcome. My father keeps telling me "When the husband dies the wife gets everything, when the wife dies the husband gets everything. I believe Marge believed this as well. Of course I remind him of the state law. It is obviously that that is all you are interested in. 7: Knowing that Dad has Alzheimer why would you go in and yell at him like you did Angle? Aaron and I were out in the drive way for you to vent on. There was no need for that. David had no problem telling me what he thought of me. At least he tells me to my face now. Two years ago when I, and others, were over helping Marge and Dad move to Queen Creek he was telling my Dad he want to beat me up or some crap. What kind of childishness is that? 8: The house. Angle wants to act like the house belongs to her. Great please pay dad for the house payments. It cost him more than what he makes in Social security each month. My goodness you had the place listed 180000 dollars. Market analysis shows that everything in that neighborhood, that has sold for the last several months is sold for and average of $79 per square foot. If I were clairvoyant and saw that the housing market was going to go up in several months then I would see want can be done to save the house. Since I'm not I am helping Dad to sell it. David calls me up and leaves a message about how he want to take over the payment. Are you Stupid? Maybe I am wrong but I think my father owes $147000? You have any knowledge of the short sale? Make an offer and you can probably buy the place for $125000 if the bank accepts. I am doing you a favor by not letting you make a financial blunder. If Marge made another lump sum payment right as she died and there is less owed than this please let Dad know in writing. By the way you can't write off a loss on your personal residence (I don't think). Even if you could you don't need tax write offs when all you are making is social security. By the way Dad needs to eliminate dept. So why would you take a 69 year old man over to see a 2 story condo? So he can shift his dept from one property to another? How does that make sense? 9: Would it be to much to ask for you all to put in writing what you want to tell Dad? Don't you think that with Dad's current conditions when you tell him verbal stuff that he just forgets shortly? Maybe it is because you wouldn't want scum bag Doran to know about it? Or maybe you are trying to hide something? Enough with this list of items. I could go on for days. Now to the most important item. I spoke with Dad. Though it pains him greatly he > realizes that letting all of you to go through and take the items that were owned by He and Marge he realizes it is the simplest course. You all had no problem doing that over the past few months any how. I thought you were all through by now. Angle admitted to having items in her garage Any how here is a possible list of conditions for coming and taking stuff and it needs to be done soon. The house payment is killing him money and stress wise. 1: Dad wants the bed room sent in the master bed room. This was owned by his closest brother Frances and sister-in-law Joan prior to Marge and Dad owning it. 2: Dad needs the appliances. Please let him have these. 4: Don't remove anything from the office room. Dad is sensitive about the office. 5: Dad likes the brown recliners that were in the living area, and the table and chairs dining sets, but of course I am sure you all need it more than him so this can be discussed. 6: Please consider for every item that you want you also have to take at least one undesirable item? For example you want the two blue chairs fine take the TV cabinets with it. You like the Piano take the big glass door cabinet cabinet in the living room. If it means anything Dad would like one of Penney's kids to have the Piano. Also please be open to removing such items as the 55 gallon drums of water. I feel that at least some of the junk in the house was Marge's as well as Dad's. 7: On the day of the item sorting please bring a way to remove the items on that day. If necessary put it into Angle's garage. I already picked some of this stuff once and Angle and the David asked the police to have us unload all of it. So please this time all of you be prepared to move the items form the property. If the bank take over the house before the items are removed I have no idea what will happen to them at that point. 8: I want to minimize any of the needing to speak with David or Angle or being spoken to by them. Please have James and/or Penny do the talking. Let's just agree to hate each other and let Marge's eldest children do the talking if needed. 9: I spoke with the office yesterday, and he said that the Sheriff can send out a standby. I would feel most comfortable if we do this. I think they only work week days. I want Dad protected against any one saying that he took stuff that was not his to take. If there are other suggestions please let me know. Maybe the local Bishop? Whoever the mediator is lets try and do the talking through that person so that angry feelings are kept at bay. I will try and show you this respect so please try and show the same respect. Dad has had us change the locks on the doors. Please don't enter the house without him or one of his sons present. He makes the payment, please respect his ownership. If you feel the urge to feel like you own the place, like you told the offices today, and as you have done by removing items without Dad present, then please send the monthly house payment to Dad. Further more we have no plans to remove items until the day is chosen to meet with all of you and the Sheriff standby. I have a job and have no need to steal items that I can purchase with my own money.

MY RESPONSE:
It’s interesting that you can translate to me what you would or would not do if your mother died. The reality is that your mother hasn’t died, but mine did, so don’t begin to tell me how you feel it is appropriate for me to respond. You really have no clue!
This is evidenced by your statements that financial matters should not be a concern during the first week after your mother’s death. The first thing to take place was a funeral, a $10,000 expense. Is that not a financial matter? No one ever told Bruce to liquidate his assets? I had knowledge that in 2003, when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, she purchased and planned her funeral so that it wasn’t something we had to do. Now where you may have the opinion that it is “distasteful” to look for that type of “financial” paperwork immediately after her death we felt it to be necessary. When the preplanned funeral paperwork was located and found to be expired, we felt it prudent to further the search for additional information and documentation.
Your only emotion has been one of distrust and questioning. From day one you were contacted with every detail of information that was obtained, including potential insurance settlements. You have created an obstacle at every pass; because you feel that we are distasteful, dishonesty and untrustworthy I am sure. The reality is that nothing we do or would have done will change that opinion that comes from within, it represents the person that you are and the character you have. You don’t look at the hours of time that has been spent with your dad in trying to help him; you look at it and say how could you let him do that without “fair” representation? Two perspectives, two very different points of view.
While yes, your father is sick, he is not mute. He still has a voice, an opinion and feelings. Your perspective is that nothing he says now matters, only the way you see it fits. My approach is a little different, I actually talk to him about how he feels and what he would like to see happen. Then exercise caution to make sure his choices or feelings won’t cause him future harm. You talk at him, I talk to him. It’s clear that to you, your way is always best. And yes, your dad continually spoke of “horse trading” and wanting to trade his Queen Creek house for a property in Mesa. So a deal that would buy his Queen Creek house for $180,000, giving him his equity of $30,000+, and transferring that debt to a Mesa property that he could then sell or rent seemed like something to consider. At least he would then have his equity right? If desired you could then just short sale the Mesa house …. Stupid, I know! Your way is clearly better for your dad. Please spare us your favors, David’s message stated that rather than have Bruce give the house away and/or take a lose, etc. We would be willing to accept his liability in the house and give him whatever potential benefit you anticipated he would receive, i.e. a tax break. Again, you are smarter and all knowing, so do it your way instead.
It is clear that your only concern has been to see that your father receives every dime that he can. And that’s okay, he will. The laws are in place to determine that. It’s not open for opinions or negotiations and it is our desire that Bruce be well cared for. It is also very evident that it is your opinion that if the mom dies the dad gets everything. Don’t cop out and try to make those your father’s words, he has never treated us that way, only you have! It’s just “obvious” remember. AND if the children were children from both the mother and the father then yes, everything the mother had would go to the father; then when the father died it would go to the children. That is not our circumstance. For us, our father already died and left everything to our mother; who has now passed and you feel that everything should go to your father and then ultimately to you? Come on, I will echo your previous statement, “Are you stupid?” Still through all this you see no justification for all the emotion!?! AMAZING!
The fact that you even began to try and tell me what my mother’s wishes are regarding her estate is comical! You should not, it’s just embarrassing! My relationship and what I shared with my mother is closer than any relationship that exists in your life, perhaps that explains your coldness!?
Nothing I am doing is secretive. Quite the contrary, it is fully documented and monitored by the court. I laugh that you challenge my decency, when you without contact, thought or consideration for anyone else proceed to go to their home and load all of the furniture onto a trailer. Then when it is expressed to you that there are some items of personal sentimental value that we wanted on the trailer, you refused to speak of it and YOU suggested we call the police. Furthermore, when Bruce coobirated and said remove the items from the trailer, he was incompetent and we were talking him out of the house. But he was competent enough to give you specific direction to load everything on to the trailer. Do you even hear your contradictions? This was your fight, not Bruce’s.
I think it is great that your money will buy you what you want, but my money won’t buy my mother back so her possessions and my memories are the only thing I have; forgive me for getting a bit upset at your inconsideration.
Again you created a road block where there didn’t need to be one. It was Bruce’s desire to go to the home and amicable sort through and load up the furniture. This was done, there was no fighting or disrespect, there never is until you surface. I’m sure that’s just because we’re being sneaky and robbing him, right?
Previously, we have cleaned the home and removed the most personal of her processions; with the full consent and knowledge of Bruce. He was even invited to come along and declined. Nothing was sneaky and if you feel that there is something he was cheated out of, you let James know. But from Bruce’s mouth he had (and still does not have) a problem. We prepared the house for the market, which included yard maintance; removing and replanting plants and trees so that Bruce would have every possible benefit in his chances of selling the home. How selfish or was it just “stupid” to attempt to help him? Your efforts to that point weren’t much to speak of.
Again you are missing a link, yes we are all adults capable, able and supporting ourselves. Mother’s estate was everything she worked her life to create and what our father worked his life to give to our mother. It is also settlement for her life being taken by the negligence of another that has caused us her children great suffering as well as Bruce (not only Bruce) he is sympathetic to this you are not.
Your opinions regarding me are irrelevant but yes any future communication can be done with James. He can be reached at 480-703-5550 and/or james@trademarkdoorandtrim.com